reset 06/23/99
Rose had abandoned her family for two weeks of active military duty in Oklahoma, but we were managing household affairs just fine. During that time period though, I was having some trouble sleeping. I always have difficulty sleeping when Rose is out of town. Usually I place her pillows lengthwise in her place. That helps a lot. This was different. My difficulties were not just waking up in the middle of the night as usual in Rose's absence. I was waking up to sharp pains in the chest. The pain would go away almost as fast as it came. By the time Rose returned, I was pretty much back to normal.
I received an invitation to attend a technical workshop in Los Alamos. It was an honor to be asked to come speak at such a gathering of experts from across the country. My boss wasn't supportive of the trip, so I took vacation time and went representing Me, Inc. I arrived in Albuquerque as I had done many times before. I picked up my rental car and was on my way. As it was almost dusk, I decided to go to Los Alamos via Santa Fe. There is a fantastically beautiful back road through the mountains, but I thought it wisest to return that way when I could see the sights rather than drive past them in a shroud of darkness. Besides, some of the best food in the world is served in Santa Fe, and it would be just about dinner time when I would hit St. Francis Boulevard.
About midway between Albuquerque and Sante Fe, it hit be like a ton of bricks. A piercing pain in the chest nearly overpowered me. I felt a little light headed and moved over to the outside lane in case I needed to stop. I decelerated but regained my faculties. There was no place to stop. I was in a barren place. Sure, there were other cars on the road, but who would stop to help? What help could they provide, anyway? The logical choice was to drive on. Twice more the pains returned. On the road to Santa Fe, I thought my life was coming to an end. Could I be having a heart attack at age thirty seven?
There I was, having a heart problem out in the middle of nowhere and far from home. I thought about the inconvenience it would be for Rose to deal with arrangements in getting my body back to Texas. What a mess! It was far too much trouble. I couldn't die and cause such administrative problems. I thought about my kids. With my son not quite five, he'd not remember his dad when he grew older. Who would be there to make Courtney sit before her piano to practice? I couldn't die. There were too many loose ends.
Far from home and the family I loved, I asked God to allow me to finish this life strong. This book was not yet complete. My vision of a Passion Week musical piece was still just a vision. My Judeo-Roman epic would never hit the shelves or the Big Screen. All these mission opportunites would die with me. It just simply couldn't happen. I told God so.
Three times I felt faint with sharp chest pains and pulled over to the side of the road to pray. I ate what I thought might be my last meal in Santa Fe that evening. Some might think it strange that I drove to a restaurant rather than a hospital. I don't know why. Maybe it's a man thing. After a great southwestern style dinner, I drove on to Los Alamos again thinking of all the unfinished business I had with God. I knew there were things left for me to do this side of heaven.
Upon my arrival at the hotel in Los Alamos, I called home to talk to my wife. She felt confident that I was just experiencing heartburn. I drew some confidence in her medical opinion. She suggested that I get something to settle my stomach from the drugstore. I did. I really didn't derive any comfort from that bottle of chalky stuff. I slept little that night. My mind was racing. My chest continued hurting. I couldn't escape the thought, "If I fall asleep, will I wake up?"
Medically, it turned out to be acute heartburn. Spiritually, it turned out to be acute heart examination. Ever since that time, I've battle periodic heartburn episodes. Ever since that time, I've been determined to make my remaining time on this earth count.
When's the last time you had a spiritual check-up? If you died today, what would be left undone? Studies tell us that the majority of us will be remembered for only about two weeks after our death. Life goes on. Oh, family members will still have recall, but will you leave any fruit from your lifetime for future generations? Leave behind a legacy before you go to your eternal reward. Whatever direction you're driving today, stop the car, examine your spiritual condition, steer in God's direction, and mash that accelerator!
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reset 06/23/99